ImpulsiveOutburst.

Lets shift to something else other than homework.
Last week, I

1. talked unsuccessfully with one of my best friends about his seemingly hostility towards me
2. experienced the fear and worries one will get when her boyfriend got into an accident (by the way, he's ok)
3. got (accidentally) left to go on a busful of Thai people who didn't speak English to get to a hospital I only went once
4. got temporarily stranded (also an accident) at Saraburi while trying to catch a bus to get back to college
5. yelled (and regretted for yelling) at another best friend
6. went on a horrifying search at 11pm at night through the mountains for her
7. spent a few miserable days picking up the broken pieces of trust and friendship left after these various incidents
8. been helped out by darling Wanna (Girlfriend, I LOVE YOU haha) and made up with everybody after lots of yelling, screaming, crying, apologising, hugging and an Overwhelming lot of sorting out to get a heck of the accidents caused by a great deal of misunderstanding.

Hmph. Nice week, huh.
But I managed to regain one of my best friends and is once again on speaking terms with the another. It's a pretty tough test on the friendship we have; we actually do have to reevaluate some matters. But hey, nobody's really mad at anybody and thank goodness we did yell at one another, got the whole point out and got out of this whole mess.

Some wounds run deep though. I remembered last week as a week when the skies show only an endless depth of gray and black.
For the first time, I cried out loud that I wanna go home and I truly meant it. I mean it still.
Home is where I can still go to when the rest of the world turns me away.

Haha. Guess this doesn't really go with my colourful blog skin and all the previous posts with the seemingly fake happiness and joys of college life, huh?

Don't get me wrong. I love here. And I do feel happy in those times I wrote about in my blog.

That simply doesn't mean that I am always happy and I get everything I want here. Haha, I remembered Benson mentioned something about that and man, ain't that a hell of a joke.

I just put all those bloody-hell-days in another blog that doesn't need readers, learn the lessons from those days and discard the rest because it's simply pointless for me to brood over and over again on my mistakes or someone else's mistakes that had been done. I am the only one feeling all the burden of my broodings, there's no one to blame for putting myself in this and with all the things I have to do there's simply no time for all these.

Life just Isn't Fair.

Take it or leave it.

I took it, and since I'm already in it I do not see any point in always picking on the cold and difficult times of everything since there always will be something unplesant and I'm pretty sure that my life is just too damn short for that.

I am definitely not going back to the days of being a pessimistic mouse in the corner with a black cloud always hanging over me. No way. Life is too short.
And so what if it rains? I brood for a few days, decide that I don't want to brood anymore, take off my shoes and run in it. Then I dry myself, remind myself that I am still a child and go on.

What you see, is just often what you get.

*To tell the truth though, sometimes it's so hot here in Thailand that when we see that it's raining some of us really do cheer and play in it.